My partner is bipolar - recently diagnosed and medicated. We were living together but due to his unstability I had to move out because before treatment he became quite abusive.
This week has been hell. He was manic for 3 days straight and had no idea.. he picked a fight with me over anything he possibly could. He drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol, and when I stood in and told him that he should probably slow down because he had work early in the morning he went on a major name calling rant - "you are a controlling bitch, why don't you just control my whole life.. I don't even know why I want you.. must be because I'm a f***ing idiot!". He constantly accuses me of seeing other men when I spend all of my time with him. I can't go on facebook just incase a guy talks to me because all hell breaks lose. He gets incredibly delusional and thinks that I have done or said things that I never ever would, and I can't reassure him because he spirals out of control as he thinks I'm lying because he is sooo sure I have done these things. I don't know how to handle it.. In those situations there is nothing that I can do but leave because he throws things, hits things, and calls me a number of colourful names. I can never wait for him to go to sleep because when he wakes up the next morning it's all back to normal - thank god!
Now he's hit depression really hard. He sent me home and refused to answer my calls because he says he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He doesn't want to see me because he knows he will be incredibly hurtful to me which I am okay with because I'm still trying to learn how to not take it personally. He is completely unmotivated .. doesn't want to go shopping , or to work or clean his house or anything. As awful as it is I would take the depression over the mania any day.
Today he sent me a text this morning being very nice, asked if I wanted to see him tonight because he cancelled his fishing trip due to weather. I told him that I have plans with my girl friends to go out for dinner (which he already knew and encouraged 3 days ago) and then he lost it in a text message "Fine, maybe you will find someone who isn't fucked in the head at the pub tonight". I had no idea how to react - I said "I'm sorry babe, I didn't realize that you are feeling this way today. Ofcourse I want to see - you are the only one that I want. I hope that you are feeling better soon". Such a kiss ass! All I wanna do is yell because this sh*t is so absurd! I know that I can't because it will escalate to a break up... again!
I know that we have to be supportive and relatively agreeable - not react to the things they do or say... but god, it is so hard. The name calling is what always gets me though. Then he goes on calling himself a mental patient and a crazy person but implies that I have said it. There is no reasoning.. why the hell would I have been the one that encouraged him to see a doctor and get medication if I thought that of him.. why the hell would I stick around if I thought of my partner like that! I can't ever say that to him though when he's manic.
I want to run! But I never get far. I just love him too much. I feel resentful that he wasn't like this when we met.. I fell in love with him and then BANG.. bullshit started streaming.
Sometimes I just wish that someone else would be around.. a fly on the wall.. just to see the rollercoaster that I have to go through with him. I just want a hug, and for someone to say - wow you are doing really well, you must be really strong. I feel like I deserve a medal. The hardest thing about it is that he doesn't see at all what I go through with it. It is completely one sided for him. He thinks that because I don't have the disorder that it's not an issue for me at all.
Well for now.. going a little bit crazy - will post again soon, i'm sure!
Thanks for reading. I am very happy to find this page - reading all of the posts I know that I am not alone in feeling the way that I do.